In practice, this position means that the second wife should put the interests of the child from his first marriage men above the interests of her own family. But in this case, to cope with the internal protest: "Why do I have to break itself because of someone else's child, even if it is a child of the beloved? "The situation is exacerbated if the child is initially configured negatively to the new wife of his dad's, and in most cases, so the case.
Universal solution, which turned out to be a winner for every woman, was in the role of the second wife of a man with "baggage", no. However, there are two options to resolve the situation, each of which has its pluses and minuses.
The first option: "It's not my problem"
If you want to completely distance themselves from anything that is connected with the first marriage of your favorite men, immediately explain to my husband that you do not want the presence of his child in your life. That is, there will be no joint meetings or visits his child in your common home. But do not ask her husband to ignore your child for you. Even if the choice will be made in your favor, strengthening your relationship with your loved one it will not help. Instead, negotiate with the husband of the volume of its obligations to the child from his first marriage. The most important thing in the joint discussion to determine the days on which your husband will visit your child, and clearly discuss the amount of money that will be spent on it from your total budget in excess of alimony paid to a spouse (eg, gifts for the holidays). In order for this scheme to work, never his displeasure Demonstrate the first child of her husband provided all the arrangements.
Plus, this solution of the problem is that you do not have to deal with her husband and child to force yourself to somehow adjust to it. Disadvantage is that this approach may eventually lead to the alienation between you and your husband. Not feeling the support from your side in his relationship with the child from his first marriage, your loved one can stop expecting such support from you and any other situations. And this, of course, can hurt your relationship.
The second option: "We are all one family"
If you want to make contact with the child of your husband, try to make friends with him. Just be prepared for a variety of difficulties, for the solution of which you have to always take the position of "wise adult." The child from his first marriage, in any case will not be delighted with the appearance of her stepmother, so you will have to earn his sympathy. This is not just a "placate" the child through a variety of gifts, otherwise your attempt to deny something he simply stated something like: "You do so, because you are not my mother! "That is, you will find yourself in the role of a bad stepmother. In addition, the indulgence of all the requirements of the first child of her husband may adversely affect the financial condition of your own family.
It is best to try to establish with the child of her husband their own relationship. To do this, do not meet with him in the presence of the man she loved and the more the child's mother, and alone. Encourage your child to go somewhere together, for example, a park or an exhibition. Most likely, in the absence of the husband you will be able to see his child self-identity, and is not attached to your loved one is not too pleasant establishment.
The advantage of this approach are more trusting and intimate relationship with her husband, who will be grateful to you for your efforts. The downside is that you have to live under constant psychological pressure. You will not be able to forget for a while that until you have been beloved family, from which there is a child that requires his love and care. In addition, for the establishment of normal relations with the first child of her husband you have to exert a lot of effort. And not the fact that your intentions will be successful.